The Battle To Lose Control

I'm finding in life that things don't always go the way that you would like. I mean, I realized this early on in my childhood, but it is becoming even more of a reality as I mature in my walk with God. I'm finally over my low self esteem issues, no longer struggle with depression and don't battle anxiety as often as I used to. My battle has now become the reality of no longer being in control. I have verbally submitted my will to God, said yes to His will and to His ways, but my heart has not fully accepted what comes along with this decision. Jesus told us to count the cost - that cost being our very life, including our will. I don't have a right anymore to do what I want to do - as much as I want to! I don't have a right to complain when things don't go my way. My only right is to do God's will. I've been thinking about Jesus' statement before He was betrayed when He said "I did nothing except my Father in heaven told me." I read this a few months ago and told God that before I die I want to say "I did nothing except my Father in heaven told me." I've already slipped up, but I want to reach a point in my life where this is the case. I know it is possible! However right now it "looks" impossible.

The writer of Hebrews said that Jesus learned obedience by the things that He suffered. Perhaps that is what God is doing with me. I'm experiencing so much right now, no one person knows the extent of every situation. God is certainly strengthening me and teaching me to be content and not complain - but it isn't easy!! What makes it difficult is when the people who you love don't supply the comfort, the encouragement or even the love that you desire! This has made things 100X more difficult for me - but again, God is strengthening me. I guess He is allowing this to happen so that I would find my comfort, encouragement and love in Him alone. Even David had to encourage himself when He was enduring trials, and I am learning how to encourage myself too.

Life can be tough. But who said it would be easy? Pain is not always bad. I want to be dead to myself and my will. I want to walk in the will of God 24/7!!

LORD, I cannot do it out of my own strength! I need the power of Your Spirit!! You know what is best for me, and I know that my choices outside of Your will are only going to be detrimental! Give me wisdom and understanding so that I might glorify You! Help me to accept Your will, to walk in Your will, to exalt Your will!

I need a personal revival of my soul. It is time to lose control.